Written for Crosspoint Students and delivered June 6, 2019.
So I just moved to Chicago to work with a church called Missio Dei Chicago, and our goal is to plant 77 congregations throughout the 77 neighborhoods of Chicago.
When I decided I was going to move to Chicago, I was super excited that God was calling me to such a cool place. Like, Chicago looks so cool, right? It makes for some really great Instagram posts, and there are tons of cool restaurants to try out, and concerts to go to, and celebrities like to go there. It’s just a really cool place, so I was pretty pumped.
When I actually moved in February, I was in for a rude awakening. My life was not fun visits to the Bean and sipping coffee with friends. It was freaking lonely. It was unpacking boxes and building IKEA furniture and binging shows on Netflix and texting friends who live hours away just to have some semblance of community. And don’t get me wrong, I love most of those things. Like, building IKEA furniture is my jam. But, uh, it’s a pretty lonely experience.
And sitting in this loneliness was really really hard. I wish I could put it more eloquently, but it was just: really. really. hard. I was so confused because I knew without a doubt that God had invited me into this new season of my life, and I knew he had so much good planned in where I was and what I was doing. But in the moment, I couldn’t see any of it because I was so. lonely.
Times of transition
What I realized later was that I was in a time of transition. God had called me to Chicago for a reason, but before I could hit the ground running in ministry and dig into community and get involved with planting a church, I had to do things like unpack boxes, put furniture in my apartment, and start making friends. In the in between, in that time of transition, the loneliness was inevitable.
As I talked to others about this concept, everyone seemed to agree with me. I had friends in every stage of life agree and say that times of transition, somehow especially when God has called you to something, are unbearably lonely. My friend Jonathan said he went through the same thing when he moved out of town for work. My grandma told me she’d felt a similar loneliness when she lived in Germany when her husband was deployed. I had friends who had encouraged me to move to Chicago reach out and apologize for not warning me about the loneliness. It is universally true that times of transition are lonely.
So when Mitch asked me to give the message tonight, I thought back to that season of loneliness and wondered how it might apply to a room full of middle and high school students. You guys are in a point in your life where you’re going to go through a lot of transitions. Whether you’re going into 6th grade, starting high school, joining a new club or sports team, changing schools, going off to college, getting a job, or whatever it may be, you have a lot of transition ahead of you.
So I want to take a look together at a few times of transition in the Bible, specifically when Jesus was in times of transition, and see if he ever felt lonely, and what we can learn from his experience.
When you feel lonely, ___.
At the end of the 3rd chapter in Matthew, Jesus is baptized by his cousin, John, and when he comes up from the water, God says “This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy” (Matthew 3:17). This baptism is supposed to be Jesus’ send off in to ministry. But in Matthew, before he goes out to choose his disciples, he goes to the desert to fast for 40 days and 40 nights.
READ: Matthew 4:1-11 - Jesus in the desert
Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted there by the devil. For forty days and forty nights he fasted and became very hungry.
During that time the devil came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become loaves of bread.”
But Jesus told him, “No! The Scriptures say,
‘People do not live by bread alone,
but by every word that comes from the mouth of God."4:4 Deut 8:3.”
Then the devil took him to the holy city, Jerusalem, to the highest point of the Temple, and said, “If you are the Son of God, jump off! For the Scriptures say,
‘He will order his angels to protect you.
And they will hold you up with their hands
so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.’4:6 Ps 91:11-12.”
Jesus responded, “The Scriptures also say, ‘You must not test the Lord your God.’”
Next the devil took him to the peak of a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. “I will give it all to you,” he said, “if you will kneel down and worship me.”
“Get out of here, Satan,” Jesus told him. “For the Scriptures say,
‘You must worship the Lord your God
and serve only him.’”
Then the devil went away, and angels came and took care of Jesus.
This is a time of transition for Jesus. Before he can begin his ministry, he spends time alone in a sort of spiritual preparation. Fasting takes away what your physical self wants or desires in order to focus on your spiritual self. While Jesus is in the desert fasting, while his body is at its weakest, the devil comes to him and tempts him, telling him he doesn’t really need to be hungry, or he doesn’t have to endure 40 days and 40 nights in the desert all alone.
Jesus was following the will of God, spending time in the desert preparing to begin his ministry, and he was all alone, not to mention he was being tempted. But what do we see in this story? How does he respond? He recites scripture. Every time the devil tempts him, Jesus responds with scripture. Jesus stays rooted in his calling, in his faith, and in his relationship with his father by holding scripture in his heart, and by knowing God’s promises to be true.
You can do this, too. Before you’re caught in a time of transition, or before you’re in a season of loneliness, reading scripture and understanding God’s word can help you grow closer to him, so that when you are stuck in a difficult time, you have God’s promises to fall back on.
One of my favorite verses to recite in tough times is Jeremiah 29:11. If you know it, say it with me (and if you don’t know it, it’s on the screen so you can read it aloud).
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.
When I graduated high school and I was freaking out about what was next in my life, I remembered the promise in this verse, that God has my best interest at heart, and that he has a plan to prosper me.
When you feel lonely, look to scripture.
Another time of transition in Jesus’ life is found in Matthew 26. This is right after Jesus serves communion to his disciples, or the Last Supper, and tells them they will desert him.
READ: Matthew 26:36-46 - Jesus (and friends) in the garden
Then Jesus went with them to the olive grove called Gethsemane, and he said, “Sit here while I go over there to pray.”
He took Peter and Zebedee’s two sons, James and John, and he became anguished and distressed.
He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”
He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”
Then he returned to the disciples and found them asleep. He said to Peter, “Couldn’t you watch with me even one hour?
Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak!”
Then Jesus left them a second time and prayed, “My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done.”
When he returned to them again, he found them sleeping, for they couldn’t keep their eyes open.
So he went to pray a third time, saying the same things again.
Then he came to the disciples and said, “Go ahead and sleep. Have your rest. But look—the time has come. The Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners.
Up, let’s be going. Look, my betrayer is here!”
In his last few moments with his disciples, Jesus asks Peter, James, and John to stay up with him to watch and pray. Jesus knows his time is limited, and he asks three of his disciples to be present with him in the time they have left. But they fall asleep. So Jesus goes away again and prays, and when he comes back they’re asleep again! So he goes to pray one more time and when he comes back, he knows his time with his disciples is over.
Imagine this, or maybe it’s happened to you before: You’re about to go away for a long time, and you ask your friends to come over to your house on your last night in town. You’re hanging out, maybe you’re having fun or maybe it’s pretty somber because you know you’re about to leave, but you’re enjoying spending time with your friends for the last time. But then, every time you go to check your phone or fill up your drink, you look up and everyone is sleeping! Wouldn’t you be frustrated? I’d be hitting them, like “HELLO!? WAKE UP! Don’t know you know you’re NEVER going to SEE me AGAIN!?”
Jesus, in his last moments with his friends, in this time of transition from his ministry to his crucifixion, has to be frustrated, right? At the very least he’s lonely. And he still says to his disciples, “Go ahead and sleep. Have your rest.” Maybe he’s being genuine here. I know if I said that, I’d say it more like, “Fine! Go ahead and sleep! Have your rest!” But ultimately Jesus accepts what is happening around him, and he still prays to God. He allows his friends to sleep, and he spends intentional time with God in prayer.
It’s easy when we feel lonely to get mad at those around us. Maybe your friends aren’t saying the right things, or your parents just don’t understand. Jesus had this, too. But Jesus, instead of taking it out on his friends, spent time in prayer. When you are lonely, when you feel like no one understands you, and no one is there for you, you can always pray.
And honestly guys, I hate this point. This is one of my least favorite answers to a big question. That whole idea of “you don’t have to be lonely because God is with you”? I hate it. I know it’s true, but it sucks! God is with you always. But that just. doesn’t. help. I still feel lonely. I still feel alone. But that doesn’t mean we’re not supposed to pray in those moments. In fact, praying to God, telling him how lonely you feel, expressing your troubles and your issues, it really does help.
When you feel lonely, pray.
The last time of transition in Jesus’s life I want us to look at together is his crucifixion. We can find this in Luke 23. Jesus has to carry the cross he will be nailed to. He’s been judged, mocked, and beaten. His friends have betrayed and denied him. He’s about to be killed.
READ: Luke 23:32-43 - Jesus forgives
Two others, both criminals, were led out to be executed with him.
When they came to a place called Golgotha, they nailed him to the cross. And the criminals were also crucified—one on his right and one on his left.
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice.
The crowd watched and the leaders scoffed. “He saved others,” they said, “let him save himself if he is really God’s Messiah, the Chosen One.”
The soldiers mocked him, too, by offering him a drink of sour wine.
They called out to him, “If you are the King of the Jews, save yourself!”
A sign was fastened above him with these words: “This is the King of the Jews.”
One of the criminals hanging beside him scoffed, “So you’re the Messiah, are you? Prove it by saving yourself—and us, too, while you’re at it!”
But the other criminal protested, “Don’t you fear God even when you have been sentenced to die?
We deserve to die for our crimes, but this man hasn’t done anything wrong.”
Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom.”
And Jesus replied, “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.”
I can only imagine how lonely Jesus is in these moments, being led to his death and nailed to a cross. And he prays to God, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” In his last living moments, he’s conversing with criminals who are being crucified next to him, and he says, “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.” In the middle of the worst moments in Jesus’s life, what does he do? He focuses on others. He forgives those around him, and he ministers to the man next to him.
When I moved to Chicago and had no friends and nothing to do, it was really easy for me to just sit alone in my apartment and wallow in my loneliness. But that just made it worse. The more I thought about how alone I was, the more alone I felt. But one of the few families in Chicago I knew was remodeling their kitchen, and they asked me to come help. So for a few hours, instead of focusing on my problems, I got to go and help someone else. I got to lay kitchen flooring and nail in baseboards and help get the job done quicker.
Focusing on someone else’s needs can help put your own problems into perspective. There’s value in introspection, in spending time alone and figuring out how you feel and why you feel that way. But if you’re lonely, don’t just sit and be alone. Go and help someone with something! Ask your parents if you can help out around the house. Ask your friends if they need help with their homework. Ask your sibling if they have a chore you can help with.
When you feel lonely, help someone else.
The last point I want to make is that every single person in this room will go through a major life transition. Every single one of us will feel lonely at one point or another. So if you don’t feel lonely right now, I guarantee you someone else around you does. Reach out to people. Ask how they’re doing. Offer to help them, or ask them to help you. We can’t solve someone’s loneliness. It’s not a problem that we can fix. But we can always be with someone, listen to someone, sit with someone so maybe they feel a little less lonely.